Recently, I was out with Cal free walking Scrappy. Well, Cal was fishing and I was working on the free walking. I don’t know what else to call it. It is where you can take the leash off the dog and train them to remain close to you or return while enjoying a walk. It gives them a little more freedom instead of the linear walking with a lead. This is important to know, because Scrappy was off his lead when he did this (in his mind,) heroic thing. It all started when he Spotted a squirrel.
Scrappy does this pointer thing when he is focused on something from afar that gets his attention and he is trying to get more information. He stands at attention with three legs ready to take off in a spring and the other one, usually the right front paw, pulled up just so. You know how pointers do it. There was a squirrel about a meter away, frolicking in the grass and watching us. It must have been curious as we were in an area that not that many people, or dogs for that matter, frequent. As I walk along, enjoying the day, I observer Mr. Scrappy in his pointer stance and see the squirrel too. They were basically looking at each other. The squirrel, non-chalantly munching on something and Scrappy, in his pointer stance, nose wiggling as he sniffs the air. Ears forward. “Squirrel!” his posture said.
Suddenly, because it is what I do, I decided that this would be the perfect time to trip over some air. Afterall, we are in the south and, despite it being bitter cold and not so humid, I am certain there are patches of humidity laying around just waiting to jump out in front of me. That has to be the only explanation I can muster for why I feel the ground needs a hug so often. Ah, but I digress. I fell. Sprawled out on the grass, flatter than a pancake. Thank Gosh there was no one around to see me flail to grab nothing and land on my face with an “ugh” of a thud.
Scrappy heard it though.
This was his queue to immediately come running over to me and lay across my back, still watching the squirrel, and pin me down. Without removing his focus on said squirrel, who was unphased by my sudden change in stature, Scrappy began to growl in said squirrels direction. “Mom down! I’ll save you! Grrr!” I had to pause and reflect on what had just happened. I took my moment and thought about it and turned my own gaze to the squirrel who was still munching away matter-of-factly.
With a growling bully dog on my back, I came to the moment and decided to get up. “Get off me!” I said as I rolled over to sit up. At that point, the squirrel scurried away and Scrappy’s demeanor changed. “Oh! Play time!” and he began to hop around like a happy deer. To put that in perspective, often deer will bound away at the first sign of danger. Their unique leaping allows them to change directions in a single ‘hop’, and all four of their legs touch the ground at the same time while running. They have muscles in their legs that give them distance and height. This is now what Scrappy is doing as I try to get up off the ground.
After my recovery, I reflected upon that as we continued our walk. I don’t get to walk him much because he gets overly excited at the prospect of a walk. I was able to on this day as he jumped out of the truck and had quite a dose of the zoomies when we first hit the pond. Were it not for that, if I tried to walk him, I would be on YouTube somewhere being drug along behind the Scrappy Wagon. Wow, what a western genre movie that would have made. Haha. Training will get us there and make it easier for me to walk him. Hopefully, the ground will be full up on hugs and I won’t have to be protected from some sketchy errant squirrel anymore.
What do YOU think?
At fifty, Corinthia is just tired. There are so many things she needs to get done but when she goes to chip away at her to do list, it is hard to know where to start. Further, the list is so damn long she get easily overwhelmed and almost says “fuck it.” Then she feels the need to at least try and runs into obstacles. Either things necessary to clean up are not available or she lacks the energy, money, or both to get these things done. Forget going to the store. That is a big ordeal and that involves taking a shower first.
Speaking of… she really needs to do that too. The dog keeps telling her where the stinky places are. Yuck. Thinking back, it really has been two weeks, hasn’t it? This mandatory stay at home bullshit has to end soon. She needs air and wants to go back to work.
With the pandemic, people are at home taking care of their pets and one by one, she lost all her clients. They all walk and bathe their own animals now. Damn this world taking the one thing away from her that brought happiness.
Happiness. What is that really? Corinthia imagines it is some construct fabricated to keep sheeple in place and that reality is much more depressing and dull. This shit consumes you like a warm blanket and won’t let you go. No, it’s more like quicksand. You know, that stuff an entire generation was taught was a real danger in elementary school. Hell, maybe that was an imaginary construct created by the last of the great teachers to tell us that depression was coming. Man. We lacked severe foresight didn’t we?
Oh how she longs to open the Windows and blinds to let in that fragrant fresh air and glorious sunlight. Alas, the government has decided that this virus is spread via natural light and we have to stay boarded up, prisoners in our own homes. Sure, it eradicated the homeless. However, what about the essential delivery people? They must be in cahoots or it’s all a facade.
Corinthia gets up to look in the mirror. Despite remaining active and laying off the sugar and eating as Heath as possible, she has ballooned and doesn’t know that miserable wretch looking back at her. What the entire fuck.
“Can this ever improve?” At fifty, Corinthia is just tired. Of everything.
What do YOU think?
If you were in elementary or high school before 1994, you may []fondly remember those dayum 4 point creative writing tests where you were given a picture and you had ten minutes to descriptively write about it. Tried as I might I never got above a 2. I had one 3, but I think that was a pity score because that particular year, we did them every month, it seemed. Now, there are many people in the world who feel that the majority of their formal education was for naught as it taught us things that many felt were not necessary and we often found ourselves asking why. Two of these things were the 4 Point Creative Writing Tests and the other were Math Distance Problems.
I can concur that the math distance problems still elude me. Hell, I even prepared myself with a refresher (albeit I sadly failed that too) to show my kids I could actually do them. None of our children ever came to me with one. Or, if they did, I shooed them away to their math book. I hope, as a mother, the former but it was probably the latter. That is all I have to say about that.
As far as the creative writing 4 point tests, I think it hit me today how that worked. Mind you, it only seemed to work for me because I am a writer. For this one, however, I used my senses and I gave myself 5 points. Be aware, this is not going to sound as great tapping away at these keys as it did in my head. The stories never do. But I am going to try.
Also, for those of you who try to read into shit and make a whole lot of hot air out of nothing, this is a work of FICTION and in no way represents any living person, so stop it. Stop that thought train right now, dammit.
Here we go…
Feeling cooped up in her cottage, the house witch felt the need for some fresh air. This does not happen often. After all, she is a little old house witch. Sometimes, the comfy-cozy of her studio cottage just feels a bit too cozy and open space is needed for a refreshing mind. While it is a dreary day, she decides to set an intention and rid herself of any bad vibes lingering within. Intention setting can be something as simple as saying a mantra three times and going on about your day. Or, it can be more involved like emptying your mind, taking in the good in the open air and dumping out the bad. Others go so far as to do circle, spell, and symbol work, but that is not what she is after. Maybe the second, at most. Maybe none at all.
Out the door the little witch goes. She felt the air suddenly become lighter and her mood instantly began to change. All she did was go and stand in her yard by the mail box. It was a dreary day with the clouds moving above and the cool air in stark contrast to the blanket warmth inside the cottage. It was the exact opposite and it felt refreshing. Not cold, but not warm. Cool, of sorts. It was not quite crisp but it felt wonderful. She could feel the air touch her pointy ears and blush the apples into her cheeks. She was suddenly more awake than she had been in days. Even the cool raindrops soaking her tunic and kissing her shoulders underneath provided an invigorating boost.
Eventually the little witch became aware of the clean smells coming from the earth beneath her. This type of rain is rare in these parts but it was the refreshing rain that made everything smell aways with new and fresh smells. Wonderful smells for her familiars to enjoy and, for a moment, to rid of the stench of human filth that has so often permeated the air. If only the ground were not alive with human vibration, she would be able to enjoy such a thing for all eternity. She could smell the fresh perfume of the flowers as they drank up the wonderful, cool, rain water. She could smell the oak, the ivy, and the dark, rich, dirt just beneath the evergreen grass between her toes. She nearly became drunk off the wonderous odors of her little corner in the wood.
She began to look around. This is not done very often. With the advent of technology, the humming machines have even reached this corner of no mans land and she rarely takes the time to look up and revel in the colors mother nature has to offer. Who needs phones, television, and other technological things when there is so much vibrant color and activity going on around you? The forest greens, rainbow of color in the sky and in the valley where the flowers grow. The true brown of the rich earth that offers life to everything from the little witch in her thatched hut, to the worms and animals who tunnel through it to the plants and trees that lay roots there. Color is everywhere and in everything. Even on this dreary day, the grey and white of the clouds produces an exciting color that only nature can offer.
As it is not raining hard, she can still hear the call of various birds, squirrels, and the occasional yip of the mountain wolves getting ready for their evening runs. The music the rain makes as it drips from leaf to leaf to branch to forest floor in it’s melody only nature can make. She hears the drops as they fall in puddles and as they patter upon the worn pathway to her cottage. She hears the distinct sounds as it patters and beats upon her thatched roof and tin watering can for the garden.
Suddenly, she has a taste for a warm beverage. A fire would be perfect too. The taste of the hot tea as she sips it from her favorite mug while she sits in front of the fire place. She can smell the tea and even taste the black smoke of the fire. The flowery taste of the tea would calm her as she settles in for the night.
Maybe that was still a 2 or a weak 3. I just fizzled out at the end. I wanted to add an extra part about heart but, as most of my stories these days, the words began to elude me and it fizzled out. Can’t you tell? I did get the 4 senses in though. I should at least get credit for that. Now, if only the distance problems can sink in like this, my education would be 100% worth the 12 years of being the outcast in every dayum school I attended.
Well, at least one of my teachers thought I was “fancy.”
What do YOU think?
I woke to a quiet house. Due to the day, I was afforded the not so often luxury of sleeping in. Good thing too. It was soo hard to fall asleep last night. I get up. After checking that everyone in the house is still asleep, I revel in the quiet that is a sleeping home. Then, I made coffee and started about what would be my day.
Every morning for the past 2 years, I spend the morning looking over happy memories of my best friends wedding. She was married in 2018 and due to unfortunate circumstances (damned expensive airlines and their price gouging,) I was unable to attend. For that, I feel guilty and have never forgiven myself. Her husband passed away this year and that makes this morning especially hard. She shared this morning in her own words why they chose my birthday as the day they were to be wed. It was very sweet. I saved a copy of the post, sighed a deep breath and hoped that would not be the hardest part of my day. Yeah. That is a bit backwards such it is that we are and so am I or some such nonsense. Ah, but I babble on.
I go about the usual. When I am all up in my box of feelings, I find comfort in the mundane and the routine. I made my coffee. To my simple delight, it had to be a fresh pot as there was not enough left from yesterday to even make a cup. I play my mind-numbing games for a while and then sit down to do something I have not done in many weeks. I sat down to write.
I had nothing in mind but to write a whole lot about nothing. Maybe this will help me get out of the writing slump I have been in since long before the world found itself in what everyone calls a global pandemic. Interesting times these are. I should have been keeping a journal of sorts for all the days up to this. Here it is August and the thing started at the beginning of the year. If I recall, it was as early as late February. Schools closed for months, the economy all but shut down, people dying in droves. Seeing things on the news that one only once viewed in awe in a dirty movie theater. Countries blaming one another and a leader of my beloved country who is a fool and nearly a modern day Hitler.
This all lends to civil unrest and horrors committed by leaders and all kinds of bad things. When John Coffey in the Green Mile described his ‘gift’ it was almost as if he was describing what is going on right now. I am by no means an empath but I cannot fathom how they all must be feeling now. There is a severe lack of compassion in this country right now and the world looks at all of us as if we are in a war torn country that is in a full out bloody civil war.
Man, I need to brush my teeth.
Well, the youngest woke. I wanted to get some reading and maybe even some drawing or painting in before my little universe starts to rise. I should have known that wanting things to happen a certain way for me are not going to happen. Did I think I was special? Haha. That is a joke. I am not on this planet to be special. Apparently, there is another destiny for me and that will not happen today. I just want to matter. I just want to leave my positive mark on this life. I have yet to figure out how to do it. I guess there will be many days such as this in my future. Many birthdays where I get up and taste the mundane and revel in the silence. Such it is that we are…
I have some words to read, things to draw, flowers to paint, and routine to complete. Oh, there are other things I get to do today, but that is my business. (Thanks for that line, Tabitha Brown.)
Off to seize the day and make it what it’s worth right? Alternatively, if anyone can figure out how to upload an audio file to Facebook for a post I have been dying to create, let me know. I have been sitting on it for months and have no idea what to do. Help!!!
What do YOU think?
At the dawn of the ‘70s, Creedence Clearwater Revival were the biggest band in the world, ruling the American pop charts with a slew of acclaimed …C is for Creedence Clearwater Revival
Hi everyone! Until recently, I have struggled with the idea of an ‘uncertain future’. I grew up in a family of government workers. In Turkey, if you …Living with Uncertainty
Interesting title. The Corona Virus is preventing hundreds of thousands of people from taking a breath, but the planet is breathing in all the good it is doing for the Earth. Ironic, isn’t it? For the most part, I have been largely quiet on social media and other public forums about my thoughts and feelings regarding the whole worldwide pandemic and the Corona Virus business. I tend to get yakky when I am nervous. However, when I keep my mouth shut, something is awry.
I was okay with the whole panic buy thing. I mean, there are ways around not having toilet paper and being of the population this country considers ‘poor.’ I have had to come up with ways around that due to lack of funds. There is no doubt about that. Sure, I was bothered by the fact that I could not purchase our normal allotment of doody paper when we ran out and I was even bothered that I could not also purchase my favorite brand. Meh, but the sheeple flocked and I tried to stay out of it’s way and tried to maintain a status quo by improvising. It worked. One day, we were even lucky enough to happen upon a few rolls and we were back to where we needed to be. Sure, we could have purchased more and hoarded like everyone else. There is just not a need to do so. Besides, we have a back up plan in case. Back up plan. Ironically said.
Even before it hit the United States, it was still unsettling to watch the news every day as it slowly spread throughout China and then to places like Italy and from there. I felt like I was watching a cold molasses pour. That was how fast it took to make it hit home for me. Still, I felt relatively okay.
Fast forward to the time it hit the states. Businesses shutter, people supposedly staying away from each other, the government running around in a frenzied panic. Slowly, we all begin to watch in horror as they start setting up field hospitals in places like Central Park and on Red Cross rescue ships and other tent-like areas across the country for the sick to just lay in bed and wait. They wait for either to get better, be placed upon a ventilator, or they wait to die. There is no cure right now. There is no vaccine right now. Hell, it seems like they are even unsure as to what truly causes the spread as different news outlets (even on the same channel) all provide differing versions of the ‘official’ cause.
My state is one of the ones that has been a late adopter of any national trends. While all the states around us have a mandatory, state wide, shelter-in-place order, ours has a highly modified version and we can at least walk the dogs or go for a run. Of course, there are stipulations like no groups over 3 and social distancing. That is a given. We also do not have to have official ‘essential’ papers to go to work. Well, for those of us who are still working outside of the house.
Still, the world outside my front door is not what I have grown accustomed to.
As I have stated before when I read The Lorax by Dr. Seuss to my page, the world is starting to breathe because there is less emissions, less traffic, and the world is feeling a bit better as a beneficiary of this whole Corona Virus thing. It is so quiet during any time of the day outside. It smells better. The sky is even bluer. The animals are starting to come out. Honestly, I find this all fascinating and amazing. While it may seem terrible, it makes me better.
Yesterday, we went to the store for a usual grocery run. In my mind, the movies have finally hit home. While we are not witness to the tents and field hospitals, the store was different. There are regulations that open businesses have to follow. When we arrived, there were huge signs noting that the entrance on one side of the store was an entrance and the other, the exit. They had it blocked off inside with barricades and empty display containers. There were two workers standing just inside, past the carts, and we were counted as we walked into the store. They can only have so many people in the store and we had to ask if it was time for us to enter. Upon entering the barricades directed us to the far right of the store and there were employees walking around ensuring that people who did not arrive together remained six feet apart and groups were of three or less. It was eerily quiet in there and there were people wearing masks. Of course there is still a lack of toilet paper.
Further, there were things with notices of a maximum purchase limit of 2 per party and even apology notices of increased prices on certain things due to demand. Lucky for us, I went to purchase eggs and while the store brand had the increased price notice, (almost a 110% price increase!) I was lucky enough to find a different brand for a regular price. It was ridiculous to find store brand eggs, 18ct, at almost $4, where I could purchase another brand name, 30ct, for $2.79. Most of the time, the discrepancy is not that blatant.
Finally, going to the check out, there were stickers on the floor telling people to remain six feet apart. There was a worker there too, ensuring this was followed. There were signs saying that you could not put your items on the belt until the person in front of you was done. They had these huge plastic window type sheets that were protecting the cashiers from customers and the card machines were covered in plastic. Someone would come and wipe the plastic windows and covers on the card machines. The water fountains were covered and prevented from being used. They even had sentried employees at the restrooms allowing one person in at a time and went in to clean them when the one person was finished.
I can say it was a memorable shopping experience, but not a fond one.
I am not upset as I am fortunate enough to be an essential employee. I am honestly just tired. Ready for this whole thing to finally do it’s damage and die down or something to get better for the world. I also hope that the planet keeps some sort of benefit from this as it would help things a great deal.
Just my thoughts on the whole thing.
What do YOU think?
Disclaimer: It’s pretty sad that I have to put this but note that nasty comments or anything that turns this into a political spat or name calling will be taken down and reported. I find I have to do this more often because people forget that it is okay to have an opinion and that others can have different views without being wrong or looked down upon. This post is me being a reclusive American who is now terrified as others rush into her cave and reek with the smell of anything other than comfort. With each smoking breath of fear, little things are starting to bother me that used to be like water droplets rolling off a ducks back.
TLDR? If you don’t like what someone said, shut the fuck up and move along. There’s nothing to see here.
Normally, things don’t get to me much. I listen to what people say, don’t get me wrong. There is always something in what the conspiracy theorists have to say just like there is something in what the Christians, Monks, Atheists, and Pagans have to say. Everyone is entitled to their beliefs and views of the world and I think I do a pretty good job of not forcing my opinions on others. I have an open enough mind to listen and file the parts away I find interesting for use later. Even in the movies and in stories, there is some grain of reality in all of it. Cal always said, if it can be thought of, it has likely happened or will happen. For the most part, I have used that part as just a ‘what if’ scenario.
In light of recent events in this country and in the world, many of those ‘what ifs’ have come to light.
On a very small, personal scale, lack of sleep is something that has taken me over during the past couple of weeks. It’s not that I am not sleepy, my brain’s 7 minute off switch has broken. I have been trying endlessly to fix it and I can’t. Now the plan is to try and deal with it. I love my sleep. Hell, I need it. It’s just elusive now. So, there’s that.
Moving up from there, things like dealing with uncertainties about little things like groceries, our son’s trip to Italy being up in the air, the idea of having to give up what few things in this world I enjoy like coffee or my mind numbing puzzle games I play on my phone in place of watching television. (I have never been much of a TV watcher. It makes me sleepy but not that it’s helping with what I stated above. Yeah. Complicated, I know.) Also, I know I need to really deep clean the house, but the mere thought of it is so overwhelming, I can only do baby steps. Even those take a great deal of time and energy all of a sudden. This conundrum adds to the not sleeping part and is starting to make everything a huge circle.
Even beyond that, there has been this mysterious run on things like toilet paper. I think, as of yesterday the typical hurricane staples are even starting to run out. There are closures all over the place and even the kiddos are out of school for a couple of weeks. So long as they can keep on top of their work assigned, that won’t be a concern. But what if the closures go beyond the end of the month? What if it starts to become a cut throat kind of thing out there? There goes my joy of walking the dogs every now and then. Hell, I was already prohibited from doing that as much as possible due to the fact that I am not in the glorious protected areas of white society they call the ‘gated rich neighborhoods.’ Even there, it was starting to become unsafe with all the crazies. Or is it over population? Who knows.
As we continue to grow the circle on our map, there then becomes things I see going on in other areas within the borders of the state. Curfews, makeshift hospitals only before seen on television and in history books. Horror stories about people being mistreated because they are Asian or Italian. What the hell people? Then, beyond that where states are cancelling the rest of the school year and shuttering major money making events like the rest of the Major League seasons of our most beloved sports. Of course then we have all the rumors. Things like states considering self quarantine. What if I need to get to my mother or siblings? What about family not within our state’s borders? Here comes the mass hysteria. Mix that in with the sheeple mentality and you have a perfect recipe for something much bigger than the spread of a virus.
Internationally, people are turning to a manic President who, may have done a good thing or two but has been looked upon as a clown of this country or nothing more than a kid who plans on dying with the most toys just to win. The Trump Card. Really? I understand it may have been the boredom of the rich. It could also be the decaying mind of someone whose beliefs were established in a different time. A time where things were not supposed to be as out in the open as they are today. This is not a paragraph/post supporting or opposing the President of the United States. Nor, is it anything political. It’s just that historically, leaders during times like this, in my opinion, tend to be more…unimpulsive. (Is that a word? Spell check doesn’t think so, but it is the only way to describe what I am trying to say. Ugh, I must be tired.)
Finally, on a world wide scale, was this something that they seen coming and failed to let the rest of us know? Is it something that was a means of population control for a country that has already tried to limit how many children a family can have? Is it some experiment gone wrong? Is it a modern day version of the Black Plague? Why do so many other countries have recovery rates and some don’t? I tried in vain to search for recoveries in my country yesterday and of the half hearted look, I found none. Does this mean we are going to become socialists now that everything is being shut down? Isn’t socialism the next thing to communism? I have so many questions that there are really no answers to.
This, my friends, makes me tired. So off I go, to search for sleep that has not come for a few days. To find a nap that will be filled with vivid dreams of the government taking away a pit bull with a name of a chihuahua. (He walked into a ‘clean’ building and was untested. Long story. Fitful dream.) Away to seek solace in the blue stars I have seen on the backs of my eyelids my entire life only to find they are not really there.
I made a post the other day: We are all born dying. It just takes some longer than others. Interesting.
What do YOU think?
Riding through life in this vessel, many people find themselves in a foreign place. The find themselves lost in a cadaver with no place for comfort or really to call home. Unbeknownst to others, it is a lonely existence, despite being surrounded by all the family and friends one could ever ask for. No one on the outside can understand the loss felt and uncomfortable feelings that come with living a human life. Even a favorite blanket or hoodie leaves no solace for the soul who finds themselves cold and damp in a place their mind cannot see as theirs.
Waking up on a Monday morning is hard. It means an ill attempt at starting the week anew and starting over. It really is a big deal. It’s almost like trying to move forward with New Year’s resolutions. They are always big plans and are always so positive. However, the slightest thing can just make people go, “You know what? Not today. I just can’t.” That’s the sad part. So they wake up and it’s Monday and time to take a shower. Showers. When was the last time we took one? They go to look in the mirror and see their hair has become greasy and flat. Nothing new. Oh, same thing you had on since Friday afternoon when you come home from work. That’s nice. Staring at their reflection, they feels as if they are looking at a stranger. There is nothing familiar there. Of course it’s them. It’s a mirror for crying out loud. It’s their reflection. They just are not comfortable with what they see.
Now, before you go on about how that is so easy to change. For many of these people, it’s truly not. The adage, “It’s easier said than done” is the motto of their lives. Depression, mental illness, body dysmorphia, whatever you want to call it, are massive brick walls which impede even the simplest of tasks that the rest of us take for granted everyday. For those of us who do not live this life, it is hard to understand. Akin to that of a battered spouse, it’s not as easy as setting the intention to change and just doing it. Similar to those who find difficulty in quitting an addiction of some sort. Unless a person has convinced themselves that it’s time for change, it’s likely never going to happen.
It’s quite difficult to explain how miserable it is being a skinny person in a fat body. It feels… dirty. Couple that with depression, stress, and other things, and it is a soup full of self pity, self hate, and esteem issues that find no end. Eating is a thing that never argues and it tastes oh, so good. It’s just not good as it makes the cadaver grow expoentially. When this happens, and it will, it is a vicious cycle of diet and exercise only to lose the momentum and circle right back to it again. In layman’s terms? Misery.
The next time you see someone who is trying to tell you they are having a hard time with what they see in the mirror or they are feeling fat, well intention advice is generally not the way to go. Honestly, there is not a way to tread lightly on that subject as that is an internal fight that only they can try to win. Instead, just be there. Keep the advice at bay and talk about more inspiring things like what a wonderful day it is despite all the ick in the world. While that is not a catch all to save everyone, it is, for most of a step in a better direction.
What do YOU think?