Rage against the machine…or maybe the heat.
Posted by emaylerocks
I just had a moment of reflection. I found my self on public transportation looking across the ocean. It was nice watching the waves lap lazily along and seeing the blue of the ocean. Or whats left of it. I then began to focus on the visitors to our “fine” beach. Being a local, I don’t find much occasion to frequent the beach. I have not time for it. I work too damn hard. That began to make me angry.
I guess it is the heat. Its too freaking hot to do anything or walk anywhere. Much less sit on a bus for thirty minutes smelling the homeless man who just found himself lucky enough to find the funds for a bus ride on the same exact day I happen to have to. He smelled like an ashtray. Maybe I should not complain. As hot and humid it was, I should be thankful for him not smelling of trash and a body in dire need of a bath.
Maybe that was me being white. That is something I do from time to time. (Catch the anger building here? I am so having a moment.) I find myself thinking that these people with all this extra money to waste on a real vacation. I hate them. I think about how much I freaking hate them. I hate myself too. I am working a job that I love and it is just barely enough. Sort of like being stuck in the mud. You are making slow, painful progress…you know…inches an hour. For what? To what ends is that a means? This world has made us all slaves to the machine and we cannot even enjoy the heat.
I love the summer. The heat is not so bad to me but today, the heat was the enemy and I hated myself and I hated life for it. I hate life and the country (for just a moment because I do not know what it is like in places other than this) for putting me in this situation. I hate the caste system of karma that put me in a place where I am less than royalty. I hate the harmony of the world where I was such a horrible being in my past life that I have to be just…plain….average.
What did I do wrong? Is there not some give here? Maybe I should just come back out of my selfish, inner white self and face the facts. I am on a bus. I have the freedom to see the ocean in all its raging beauty….just for a moment.
Even if it does smell like an ashtray.
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