I know I have been absent from my writing responsibilities and I promise to do better. Its just that when you go through some things, the small things are the ones to fall to the wayside first. The things that make you happy and the little things that bring comfort to your life are the first to go when there has been a big wave of chit to come and sweep your feet out from under you.
I woke up this morning in a cloud. All of a sudden, the world became burning bright and a few things became clear to me. I was led to believe, all my life, that this was a world full of good and joy and that I could be and do anything so long as I put forth the effort. My Daddy was wrong. Sesame Street, you were wrong. Smiley faces, unicorns, wishes on stars, hope, dreams. Wrong wrong wrong.
This is truly life. It is cold, unforgiving, and wicked. Of course the philosophers way that good cannot exist without evil. You have to have a little bit of good for the world to snatch it away from you and laugh. People were meant to be sad and life was meant to be chit. Unless you were born into the upper levels of the caste, you are crap. You are garbage. You deserve nothing. All I ever wanted out of life was to be OK. OK is not rich and fancy. It is not popular or to have nice things. It is not even to have friends or a family. Ok is to be fine with yourself and surroundings and to be left alone so that nothing can kick your legs out from under you. I swear I spend more time off my feet getting up than I do standing anymore. Why? Because this is what the god-fearing people call Hell.
Yes. You God believers, this is what Hell really is. It is not a burning inferno. It is life and it is out to get you. To chew you up and spit you out to spite you. Things that are of no concern or relation to you will fluck up your life and you will never be able to go back. Evil people see you and are jealous of what you DO have that they fuck with you to make you miserable. They play nasty tricks on you to cause drama that you have no way to fix. They make things happen that make you look guilty when you were never there in the first place but have no way to prove it. These are the snakes that they refer to. Why do you think they said a snake told Eve to eat from the tree? Same thing. If they cant convince you to do wrong then they will make you look like you did.
There are also those that are so damned ignorant that they cannot watch out for their own dealings and end up ruining the lives of others. Then they “feel” guilty. All they had to do was take off the blinders and look to see that they have become home wreckers and they are the reasons why disease is rampant. They fuck you and yours in every way they can either willingly or blindly. They make people sick. If not from disease from a broken heart and neither are easily remedied. People die from broken hearts every day folks. Just sayin.
So I have my moment of clarity. My moment where I realize that my little corner of Harlem is not just shit but I have become a forgotten piece of much on the heel of someones shoe and I will die just like my Daddy did. With 5 people in the chapel to mourn me out of obligation.
Clarity folks. Clarity.
What do YOU think?