Her phone is almost as big as her leg! (Also, lying scale update.)
I must admit, since I have had children, my weight has been a horrible conversation that I have with myself multiple times a day. When I see little skinny people or people with simply no flaw on their outer person, it makes me want to pour red wine on their head (I hope they wear some expensive white outfit) and run off into the nigh cackling like a maniac. Skinny people seriously make me sick. People will tell me it comes with age and that I can get back to a weight I am comfortable with, yada, yada, yada. Not gonna happen. Too much work and, apparently, I am not in love with myself enough to go to such great lengths. There are other things like genes that come into play to. I just know it but I have been told that is a cop out. Whatever. You don’t know me.
Enough of the back story. The other day, there was this girl that honestly looked like a mini marshmallow walking around on toothpicks. She was short, dumpy but was THAT SKINNY! She had a HUGE phone in her back pocket. You know, one of those “I can slap your face with this and knock you out with it” phones. A Samsung Galaxy note 1200 or whatever the fancy people get these days. I swear that phone was wider than the thigh she was trying to support it on. I mean really folks. Does someone that small honestly need a phone that big? Can it be that she is not old enough for a knife or mace for personal protection that she has to have a phone that she can wap someone with and still be able to hold on to it. Truthfully, I cannot see how that would be possible either unless she uses two (2) hands or something. Jeez girl. You are all about matching your clothes, at least you can match your phone to your body type.
That brings me to another thing. These little tiny women who have HUGE babies. I mean JEEEZ..How in the world were you able to spit THAT out? That child, at 3 months is nearly 2/3 your size and you are already back to looking tiny and trim? Kids will scrape your insides and stretch your body every which way that is humanly impossible and yours is awesomely bigger than it appears your body is capable of forcing out of a hole that is about the size of a golfball and you STILL come out of that looking like you adopted or something? Ugh. The natural world has a sick sense of humor and Mother Nature laughs at me everytime I scoff at a skinny minnie. Mother Nature, we will have a talk one day. I can assure you of that.
UPDATE REGARDING THE LYING SCALE: They must have received a complaint or something about that scale that I wrote about a few days ago. I went back to it and it was REALLY different than what I initially said it told me. While it was better, I still hate it because it is not good enough. However, it does not stick anymore. Glad I am not as huge as I thought I was. Now if my coffee diet will just start working, the world will be beautiful.
However, Mother Nature and I still need to have a chat…
What do YOU think?