The Stove Committed a Battery

It is no question that our stove has a serious attitude problem. Over the years we have had to increase the oven temp to get it to the right cooking temperature. Example… if the required temp should be 400° we would have to set the oven to 425° just for it to work.  Other than that, it was ok.

Until today.

Well…the main burner was having an issue all of a sudden and that was made us begin the replacement discussion. I went to make spaghetti today and the burner had an attitude. It simply refused to come on. With most analog gizmos tlpowered by electricity you can shake the thing and it will work. That is exactly what I did. I said “Burner, gadget, gizmo, thing, that would never hurt me because it has 220 volts of breaker behind it…TURN DAFUQ ONNNNN!!!”

Oh. It came on. It even got hot. In my expert electrical opinion, you know because a doctorate in law qualifies me to be an electician, it did not get hot enough. I poked it with a fork. You know…wiggle…wiggle…wiggled it. (You know you just whistled. Yeah because you can’t help it. All OCD and stuff. But I digress.) I swear what happened next was seen all the way to the front door. No exaggeration! The kitchen is at the back door and the stoves’ teenagery attitude was seen at the front door. That stove made a demon zapping sound and shot a spark that I was later told went to the dining room. Now…when things happen, especially bad things, I have been known to spit rainbows out of my face and said rainbows are covered with explicit lyrics stickers. This time was no exception. Both the boys heard me. (BAD Momma M!) All I could do was then stand there. Staring at the stove, all I could think was that the stove had committed a battery against me. That zap really flippin hurt!

Enter Numer 7 stage right. “Mom? Are you OK? WHAT HAPPENED? I seen a spark come out of the door.” This lovely being was sitting at the dining room table.

Once I got my bearings, I decided to clear off the stovetop and lift the “hood.” For those of you who don’t know, on an electrical stove, the top lifts to allow access to clean under the drip pans as well as to maintain or replace the electrical components of the burners. Before lifting the hood, I tried to unplug the burner. That sommablitch was not coming out. At first, I pulled like I was scared. I was scared. While the burner was off, I was convinced it was gonna bite me again.

After I grew my balls back, I said to heck with this and yanked the dang thing out. If it ws not broken before, it surely is now.


It was bent all to heck and fried. I then lifted the hood and found the electrical component the burner plugs into. Wow. Just. Wow. Thw whole side of the thing was just…gone. it was fried crispy and gone.


Well. The stove committed a battery and I retaliated. Guilty as charged. Sadly, the stove is set to go to wtove prison very soon. Poor stove. Should have taken anger management.

I think we are going with gas the next stove. You know, cuz playing with fire is so much fun! (Yes, I kid. Don’t be so serious!)

What do YOU think?


About emaylerocks

Work at home professional, author, wife, mother of many. I view the world in a slightly different way than the rest. They don't let me out much so I do have a lot of time to think. Speaking of that... What do YOU think?

Posted on January 15, 2015, in Life and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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