Little Sea Gull…You Saved Me
Amidst a swirl of emotion, I walked to the seaside in the misty rain. I stopped by the grocery store to purchase a couple of this alcoholic drinks that look like a soda. I guess Karma was taking pity on me because the store was extraordinarily busy today. I ended up leaving my intended purchase on a closed register counter and angrily stomping out. Though, in hindsight, that was a good thing. I didn’t need to make an alcohol induced decision upon reaching the shore. So I walked. I rearely listen to music anymore. Well, I do during part of my working day but, for me, music was only applicable to miserable times in my life. Appropriately matching my mood, I dusted off the old Apple earbuds and listened to my death metal as I made my way out into the dreary day.
I made it to the ocean. It was nearing high tide and with the dreary day and threat of rain, the ocean was loud and angry. I welcomed its noise.i looked out to the edge of the Earth and wondered how far it was I could actually see. The waves crashed at my feet and felt icy cold. I stepped further into the surf. Pondering…if I were to take off my coat and dive I. Which would hit me first? Heart attack from the cold? Hypothermia from the temperature of the water? Shark? Or just the massive strength of the undertow? Surely, the way I felt the world has dealt my hand today…no one would miss me.
Something told me to pay attention to my surroundings. There were, all of a sudden, several sea gulls coming from every direction but heading south….hurriedly. But there was one little guy walking in the icy surf just like me. He was exceedingly smaller than the other gulls and he walked right up to me. Most of the time, sea gulls won’t get that close unless you have bread or some other edible goody. He came up and stood only a foot away from my soaking wet sneaker. He tilted his head to the right as it to say “why do you want to do that?” Immediately I thought of our youngest son with his random hugs and quirky little things he does to make me smile.
The feeling came over me as if I were taken over by one of the angry ocean waves I was hearing. God gave us that surprising bundle of joy to save me. I may be in a rough spot right now but our numba nine was sent to remind me that there is something I have to accomplish and leaving this existence is not what I should be thinking about.
Standing on the beach, staring at the angry ocean, thinking about suicide was not where I needed to be today. That sea gull spoke volumes with just one look. He told me that the baby boy, despite his age was my saving grace and that the rest of the children needed me too. All the way up to the oldest who has a family all her own.
Upon my return to the house, both girls showed me a side of them I never have seen but needed in that moment. I love my life. Sometimes it is just hard to accept the trials that comes with it. That little sea gull saved me today. I took one last look as I left the beach. He was still standing there, in the surf, regarding me with his inquisitive eyes. I swear he nodded at me in approval. Telling me that walking away from the icy edge of my existence was the best choice ever.