I get up and go about my usual morning routine. Only, I stop for an extra moment to ponder what I see in the mirror. Who is this looking back at me? I have not seen you for a long, long time. Good morning Stranger! Where have you been? Can it really be you? From way back when? Thinking back, I don’t know where you went. Did you hide? Was it time well spent?
Why do I say these things to the mirror? After all, it is just a reflection. A reflection of one’s self. However, that reflection can become someone else. Someone you hate, someone you don’t recognize and remain that way for many years. Sometimes, it is not even the fault of oneself that we end up this way. Sadly, in my case, I think it was. You see, the reflection I have been staring at (screaming at) for nearly 20 years was not me but someone much larger, lost, and different. I avoided her. I didn’t take pictures, I didn’t look in the mirror. When I did, I wanted to throat punch her and scream in her face until spit rained upon it. WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH ME!!!!????
But this morning was different. I have yet to wash my face and brush my hair but I can only smile at what I see staring back at me. I don’t want to scream at her. I don’t hate her. I know she has come a long way and has a long way to go but I can see her. My best version of me. She is beautiful. She is a mess. However, she is no longer a joke. She is wiser. Things like fat jokes are not funny anymore. She sees the world through a different filter. I like what I see. After all these years, I have found the person I was searching for and I can get back to loving myself. No more happiness in the bottom of an empty plate. That was the same kind of happiness a drug addict chases when they are trying to get high. I am beyond that now. No more turning to food and bad habits when things become stressful. Because I can love me and I am able to stare at the face looking back at me in the mirror, I am a stronger person. I can love me now.
It was strange, this morning, staring at my reflection. I liked what I see. Bed-hair and all. I have not felt that kind of comfort in a long time. Stranger, I don’t know where you went or where you have been, but please, please, don’t go back there anymore. I have a funny feeling you didn’t like it much. I know I didn’t like it when you were gone. I can smile at you and you will smile back. It will be a true smile. One that is not hidden behind a puffy face and slits for eyes. One that is not obscured by more than just a chin. It is you. Beautiful you! While you are not completely back, I can see that you are there and you have that determined look. You are here to stay!
I love you reflection. I know you feel better and I know you are working hard to show the world that you are still here. That you still exist. Thank you for caring enough to come back. Thank you for taking the journey to get here. Thank you for being…me.
Hello Stranger! I am glad you are here. Stick around and show pride without fear. Welcome Stranger, you’ve been gone so long. I can never apologize enough for steering you wrong. Hello Stranger! Where have you been? Can it really be you? From way back when? Thinking back, I don’t know where you went. Did you hide? Was it time well spent? I am glad you are back. Our journey will see, just how we both can stay on track. Stranger no more, I love me. My reflection, I love, is staring back at me.
What do YOU think?
Recently, my dear Calvin has been using E-cigarettes so he can smoke in the house. This is a great alternative for him because he CAN smoke those things in the house, its not bottom of the ashtray smelly, and it is less damaging to his health. We all win here. About a week ago, I purchased a “different” type of E-cigarette for him to add to his collection. (Ok, yea, it was a coupon that paid for it but I did “buy” it because those free coupons do not pay taxes.) This one came with a “usb charger” which did not have a cord.
Ok, so I keep it in my office and will charge it when it needs to be charged. No problem. For those of you not familiar with the E-cigarette phenomenon, some of them are manufactured to look real. MarkTen does just that with their shiny new model. Here is the box.
It lasted for a while and I was impressed that Calvin had not asked for it to be charged. I say it went for about 9 days before he came to me to charge it. Instead of using one of the phone charger plugs and because I was tethered to my machine (yes, I work. A LOT. Mini digression! hehe,) I just plugged it into the usb port on one of the computers in the office. I went on about my work but kept noting something out of the corner of my eye.
OMG! My computer must really be stressed! I must be working it too hard. Oh. My. IT IS “SMOKING.”
I found this thought to be hilarious and send a picture of it to my husband via text message. I have found that sometimes my wit fails in a text and this was one of them. If fail were fire, that e-cigarette would have set me aflame in negative two seconds. He comes in the office and looks at my tower. Inspects the back of it, shakes his head and leaves. I sit there, in the middle of a call wondering, “What in the hell did he do that for?” He came back later, when I was at the end of my day and did the same thing. I asked him if he got my message. He replied that he did and I told him. “Jeez! It’s hilarious! Go look!” He shot me a glance that indicated he believed I had lost all the cheese off my cracker AND the cracker finally crumbled. He walks into my office and sits in my chair and said, ok, where is it smoking at.
This was when I discovered that my wit had failed here. He was genuinely concerned and worried about me. He knows how much my work means to me and if something happens to the internet or a piece of my set up I become flippant and overly emotional. We were thinking about two wholly different things here and I failed to realize that. In that moment, I felt bad. I had no intention of making him worry like that and I was a bad wife for laughing the whole time. I finally explained what I meant. What was even a bigger failure is that, when the E-cigarette is done charging, the fake fire on the end of it goes OUT. Soooo, by the time his fanny hit my office chair, the fake fire light was out and it was not as funny as it was in the beginning.
I was able to explain my skewed humor about the “smoking” computer and he was not impressed. Calvin 1, Micaa 0. 😦 I did, however succeed in proving that when it charges, the fake fire light illuminates. I plugged it into the phone charger plug and it lit up. See Love? The charger is “smoking!” Ya, you guessed it, he shooed me away and called me silly. Such it is that we are.
I still adore him though. Even if my internal humor is lost in the translation. I still think its funny that my computer decided to find a stress reliever in that it “smokes” E cigarettes.
What do YOU think?
It will take a lifetime to fix this mess we are in.
I was having a thought process before coffee this morning. (I know, dangerous right?) It all started the other day when my daughter and I were discussing an injury she had at one of her million (exaggeration but it might as well be) athletic activities through the local high school. She was telling me how the trainer told her to do this exercise and that and then both hot and cold therapies. All I could do was sit there and listen to her recite the list of things she has to do to get “better.” I was amazed at what she was telling me. Not because of what she had to do but because the injury was a twisted ankle. I don’t want to negate that it could have been worse because the back-inside of her foot turned purple after about a week and it DID swell the first couple of days. I am certain it was painful and a legitimate injury. I do believe that some of what the trainer told her helped it heal but lets be realistic here.
I remember being a kid, we fell down, “shook it off” and got back up. When I twisted my ankle as a track athlete in high school, the coach wrapped it up and told me to get back to running. My running may have been a bit slow during the first couple of days, but so long as I stayed off it as much as possible for the next week, I was fine. Mind you, this comes from someone who can fall off of something that is not there and nearly BREAK her ankle. Anywhoo, the point is, they basically told her to baby the thing. Were it when I was an athlete, it would have turned purple within 24 hours and then began to heal and I would have been back to normal in a week. No hot and cold therapy, not exercises to ease back into using it. That stuff is for when you have surgery or a real break. Personally, I believe it delayed the healing process and it is nearly 2 weeks later and the purple is JUST starting to go away. Hrmm. Shaking it off made it heal faster folks. As Numba Ten would fondly blurt out “Jus Sayin!”
That led me to the next thing. The WHOLE reason the thought process occurred to me, in the kitchen, making coffee, at 5 a.m. I began thinking about all of the people who have lawsuits against schools recently for the coaches and trainers not being sensitive to medical needs of their athletes. If you think about it, everyone has some sort of medical issue they are fighting these days. Is it all really necessary? Yea, medical science is taking us into longer lives and such but at what cost?
It all starts with mother nature and this planet we live on. We have poisoned the very planet that is supposed to sustain us. Traditional methods of farming and growing food are not enough to sustain the insatiable (and wasteful) population that controls it. This means we have to grow more, faster, and bigger. Man has found that chemicals can do that. The food we grow is no longer “of the earth” the earth is just a petri dish where we grow the worlds largest squash to feed 100,000 people instead of a whole field of wholesome, flavorful, natural squash. No, we cant do the latter because it takes to long and we need to do this NOW. So, bring out the miracle grow and other chemicals and make it grow overnight. We fill our livestock with steroids and lock it up in tight little prisons so they cannot move and are destined a horrible death. Never mind that their life may be filled with pain and rage due to the chemicals we are forcing into it. This monster we are raising to eat is filled with chemicals that would kill a human being. We wear full body protective suits just to use the chemicals we are putting into our food. What happened to the habanero pepper being the only thing that would burn your skin when it came to food? Finally, let me get started on the water and sugars. We wastefully use so much water that we have to make it a chemical cocktail just so that we can drink it and hydrate our bodies. How much of that chemical remains when we ingest it is questionable at best. Sugar. Let me have the unrefined, nothing else added sugar. All this “high fructose corn syrup” is for the birds and it is FAKE PEOPLE! If you want that, just eat the plastic container that your milk comes in. Its probably the same thing.
With all these chemicals and fake things we are putting into our bodies every day, (don’t get me started on the highly processed stuff) it is no wonder there are so many people fighting illnesses and on medication for this or that every day. In another post, I talked about how the advent of electronics has created a whole generation of ADHD children (yea, small digression there, it was bound to happen.) This leads me to thinking about what it would take to eliminate society’s need to rely so heavily on the pharmaceutical industry. A side note-pharmaceuticals are yet another round of chemicals we are putting into our bodies to fight the very chemicals that likely caused the issue in the first place. Ugh. Circular.
It would take a lifetime.
First, we have to get back to basics. Pay attention to the people who say grow your own food. Grow it with love and time. Use that garden to spend time with your family and get off the electronics. Sun is good for you. Work at home people will heartily agree. Use it to learn patience and caring and it will taste sooo good! No chemicals, just unadulterated (albeit a little smaller than the trend) wholesome FLAVORFUL goodness. You can garden year round. This will start something. You will spend less money at the store. The stores will rely less and less on the farmers and the farmers can go back to being what they should be. Farmers. They wont have to have a PHD in chemistry to poison the land with chemicals and sprays and will be able to grow a whole field of the good stuff and not the worlds largest squash. This will also prevent the farmer from feeding his livestock chemical ridden foods that ultimately end up on your table.
Next, livestock producers should raise their livestock the way it should be raised. Because their crops will be better and they wont have to spend so much on chemicals for their crops, they will not have to sell off their land and will be able to sustain their livestock on larger pieces of land and can sell the good stuff like they were supposed to do. Its all about give and take. This puts less chemicals in the meat that ends up on your table and the earth is beginning to heal. It is going to take a lifetime for the poisons we have put into this planet for food purposes to go away. It will reduce the freaks we see…two headed snakes, unusually HUGE bugs. Plants and trees will begin to grow again. Another thing that would help this planet heal is to use the land that already has development on it and relief it. Stop building on the farmers land and clear off that old building further into the city and build the same thing. Leave the farmer to what he should be doing well in the first place.
Another thing that you can do is build your own water filtration system. Honestly you only need 1×1 posts, plastic, buckets, rocks and soil. You filter your own water. So much better than the stuff coming out of your tap water. Getting used to non chemical water can take a couple of weeks of getting used to but with all these chemicals removed from your body, you will likely find that the medicines you are taking are no longer needed. You are eating, drinking and living healthier and due to the fact that you are spending less at the grocery store and less at the water payment center and less at the pharmacy, you find you have money for other things and can create memories instead of less gratifying images or words on a screen. You are LIVING.
So go forth. Live life. Do things the way mother nature has wanted us to do all along. Be tired of seeing “mother sick in bed.” Help her heal. Be HUMAN. LIVE!
What do YOU think?
…And yes, my coffee is almost done…..**Micaa walks off to grab that first glorious cup.**